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Red Waffle
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Personal
Wednesday, 13 August 2003
Well, people are constantly telling me to open up and not to hold so much in... well, I'm sorry, thats the kind of person I am. But, I figured, why not, give it a shot. What am I afraid of? People will think badly of me because I am human... or should I just be paranoid, since I believe it already. I am sorry, I am also a pessamist, but that make good things in my life even better, since I think that life is horrible. Anyway, the main point is I am going to open up a bit... not keep everything to myself... and this journal is going to help. No one reads this anyway, so I don't have to worry about what people think. So basically I am typing this for myself, which will help me in the long run, right? Yes, I am probably mental, but hey, it can make life fun, if I try. Wow, I am getting nowhere that I was planning. Anyway, more about me, since you are wondering what I am like. I have been single probably most of my life, mostly because I keep to myself. Anyway, I am not going to put peoples names in here, to protect them or me. If you were ment to know its you, you will know, otherwise I am keeping it to myself. With that, I've had one girlfriend my entire life, and that only lasted a month. Many reasons for this, mostly we had nothing in common and the distance kept us together that long, otherwise I am sure it would have been a lot shorter of a relationship. That was about a year ago, so not too long ago considering how long I was single before that. Wow, I can't believe I am actually talking about personal stuff... this is unlike me, maybe a start of a new me? Who know. Anyway, after being single for a year, it made me realize that I am a very lonely person. I've had one girlfriend, we went on one date, and thats about it. This made the relationship seem really empty. I guess what I am saying, is that I want a meaningful relationship. I know there was a couple people in my life I could have "gone out" with, but I knew it wouldn't have worked out one way or another. But a couple weeks ago I gone out on a date, I guess you could have called it a date. It felt good... real. I mean, it felt the way a real date should feel. Not uncomfortable or anything. I easily put my arm around her and comforted her during the scary parts of the film. Incase you are wondering, it was 28 Days Later, since that is the last film I saw that was in the theater, the only one I've seen in the theater this summer. Anyway, this date made me think, how could I be so cofortable around someone like this? I mean, was this because I feel my life might be changing and I am finally accepting it? Look at this journal I would normally not put so much personal information about me in the public. So ever since that date, I've been calling her every now and then and we seem to have a lot to talk about. My last girlfriend and I never had anything to talk about, we would just sit there and have nothing to say. This new girl, I would spend hours on the phone with her, and since we don't have call waiting, I missed numerous calls from my mom, oops. It was worth it, like I want to talk to mom, hehe. Anyway, this is probably the longest entry I made, since I am not holding back. I guess I can get more into this the next time. Until next time...*something* (I really have to think of a catchphrase to end my journal, eh, I will think it over)
Mood: More Open
Music: Wondering - Good Charlotte