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Red Waffle
Quotes
Futurama


Famous Quotes
"Trees are cheap only because we grow them on farms after cutting down forests. I prefer to save the forest."
-Dr. Adrian Ivakhiv
"I suck on cleavage."
-Me about Geology
"I'm a f*cking engineering genius."
-Mike
"That's overrated."
-Me about anything
"Burn 'em"
-Kyle and Me
"The motors running, but nobody is listening."
-Kyle
"You know what they say about women and trolley cars, there are plenty of them at the bottom of the sea."
-William Lichter (Can't Hardly Wait)
"What do you have in that ketchup bottle?"
-Cop to Scott
"Its like a banana, but not as juicy."
-Me about this weird fruit
"You left the shopping cart for a bear with no stomach."
-Scott to Matt
"I beleive every word that man just said, because it is exactly what I wanted to hear."
-Space Ghost
"And another thing -- Hanson blows."
-Donald Trump
"The Oscar is named for Oscar Meyer, producer of bland, overpriced baloney."
-Jay Sherman (the Critic)
"She's so hot, she'd give that dog a bone."
-Wayne Campbell (Wayne's World)
"I masterbate twice a day, just to keep sane."
-Eric Enerson
Annon Quotes
"Happiness is like peeing in your pants...everyone can see it, but only you can feel the sensation."
"Be careful when riding wheelchairs up escalators... they usually roll back down backwards."
"Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art."
"Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist."
"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way."
"Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain."
"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking."
"Practice makes perfeckt."
"I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."
"Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive."
"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."
"Earth is the insane asylum for the universe."
"I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"God must love stupid people, he made so many."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed; What More Do You Want?"
"Women are like toilets, they are either occupied or full of shit."
Gripes
These are gripes that were actually printed into the paper. Most of the gripes are my own, but some of them are from my friends. I hope you like them, otherwise they would have been pointless to put them in the paper.
"The Gripe Line sucks and it was better last year."
"I'm sick of guys whipping their balls around at me in the hallway."
"Yoda is God."
"I wish the guys at http://room229.iwarp.com would keep their clothes on."
"Kevin Smith, the creator of 'Clerks,' is an a**hole."
"If the 'V' stands for 'very,' 'I' stands for 'important,' what does the 'P' stand for?" ("Person." -DB)
"I wish the construction workers would show some respect for us college students. They wake my ass up at 5:30 every morning, when I could otherwise sleep 'til noon."
"Damn, I got cool water in my pants."
"I want Metal Sport. How come I can't find Metal Spork? Metal Sport could be awesome, but I can never find it. That sucks. That's a gripe. See, that's what the Gripe Line should be: full of gripes. Not stupid quotes and stuff like that."
Metal sport? What the hell is a metal sport? I said metal spork." (Sorry. -DB)
"Why can't the cafeteria get metal sporks, so I can steal those?"
"You know, University Dining, I'm holding your silverware hostage for one million dollars. One million dollars!"
"What's the deal with peanuts? They're not peas and they're not nuts. Wait a second, they are nuts. Never mind." (Jerry Seinfeld, you're not. -DB)
"The Mets suck. The Yankees suck a**."
"I need your help! Really!"
"I may be a f**king freshman, but at least I'm f**cking."
"William Shatner sucks a**. Get someone else to do the Priceline commercials. He's annoying as hell."
"Screw PlayStation 2. If I can't get one, I want an Atari."
"What was the deal with 'The Chippendale Murders?" Chip n' Dale weren't in it."
"Damn paper gnomes; they keep stealing my paper."
"How come the movie 'Good Will Hunting' has nothing to do with shopping for bargains at Goodwill?"
"Did you ever wonder about Dr. B.? Why haven't they named a planet after him."
"If at first you don't succeed, keep sucking, until you've 'suck'-ceeded."
"What's the deal with the teachers giving out so much homework that they can't fill out a five-minute interview I gave them a week ago?"
"Dude, I thought of the perfect gripe! Gimme the phone!"
"\\$#!+! I told everyone about Fight Club!"
"F.N. III is an a**hole."
"Your answering machine sucks. Get a new message. She is frickin' annoying."
"English. Who uses that? I'm never going to England."
"I want it with an umbrella. That's why they call it 'scotch on the rock.'"
"These balls are making me testy."
"'Mission to Mars' is the best movie ever. Ha, ha. Really, it sucks."
"Papa John's is running a conspiracy."
"'My virgin ears?' Who the hell gets f**ked in the ear?"
"Don't qoute me." (I just did -DB)